Saturday 1st May 1954
– Mimi: My first greeting goes to the Blessed Trinity by making the sign of the cross. I was preparing my communion.
– Mimi: “I beg You, my Gentle Mother of heaven, lend me Your heart to receive Your Gentle Jesus. I am so unworthy to receive Him. My sins are so numerous. It is my misery that allows me to approach You. In spite of everything, You love me, ô Infinite Goodness, ô Divine Love. Purify my souls! I allow You to do with me what You will. I give myself entirely to You.”
My enemy tells me:
− Satan: “You recognize yourself that you are unworthy of receiving Him and you do so anyhow! Do you still think you are worthy of receiving Him?”
– Mimi: “The interior struggle is beginning. My Beloved Spouse! Come to my aid! I believe, I adore You and love You! My Gentle Mother of heaven, help me! See your child who is struggling. My God! Keep my spirit free to love You sincerely and faithfully in spite of the spiritual aridity in which I am.”
– Jesus: “My little one, make the way of the cross on your knees.”
– Mimi: But shyness has taken hold of me for there are many people around!
– Jesus: “My poor little one, why are you shy? Was I ashamed during My Passion and this cross was your sins? You want to follow Me but you remain at a distance. This saddens Me a lot My poor little one. Remember Good Friday when you were so happy to share a little of My sufferings! It is not only once a year that I give My life! My Passion is continual. Yes, I need souls! There are so many who are lost each day.”
– Mimi: “I told my director about my temptations, how I felt small, how I was ashamed of my conduct towards You. My director opened my eyes once more by showing me my despicable conduct towards You. Then, he spoke to me about Your infinite love for me, all the favors I received, especially in the last four years. He reminded me of my commitments during Holy Week, of my role as spouse of Christ. How good he is to help me love You. Thank You for giving me a director with so much insight.
My Beloved, I ask Your sincere forgiveness. How ungrateful and weak I was in Your service. I am sorry for having offended You. Yes, I want to repair by accepting everything out of love for You. I will make the way of the cross on my knees in atonement for my faults and in union with Your sufferings.
I then recited my rosary. But my rosary was knotted, the beads were entangled. I was unable to undo the knots without breaking the chain. My sorrow was great. I asked my Gentle Mother of heaven to help me straighen out my rosary without breaking it, but to no avail. The more I tried, the more the chain got entangled. But suddenly I thought of my director who told me often to speak to my Gentle Mother of heaven as a child speaks to her mother, with confidence and simplicity. So I asked Her: “Mother! Mother! Look at my rosary! Will You please fix it, please?”
Then, I placed it on my knees. I was seated and facing the statue of the Blessed Virgin. I couldn’t do anything else. But, suddenly, I felt my rosary between my fingers and to my great surprise, it was untangled. I was so happy. I was so moved that I was weeping with joy. I knelt down saying to Her:
– Mimi: “Thank You, thank You my Gentle Mother of heaven.”
At that moment, I was invaded by a deep feeling of peace and confidence. I was certain that all the graces I would ask for that were spiritual, I would obtain through Mary by remaining little, simple as a child, for, if She is able to untangle the beads of my rosary without human help, She was more powerful in breaking the chains with which the devil imprisons souls through sin.
I am certain that in invoking Her with humility and the simplicity of a child, I will obtain everything, for I am convinced of it after so many signs of Her love. This gives me the courage to persevere in prayer and strength to follow Him closely by carrying my cross with love and resignation to His Holy Will. I know that Mary is constantly with me.
– Mimi: “My Gentle Mother of heaven, please help me to prepare tomorrow’s communion. I am anxious to receive Him.
My good Angel, watch over me. Ô Holy Spirit, strengthen my will, my spirit, so that I may remain open to Your inspirations.
My Beloved Spouse, come quickly for I need to share with You words of love. Before leaving You, allow me to kiss Your forehead. I love You! I give You my heart! Come and rest! I want to work for You with my Gentle Mother of heaven.
How I miss You, ô Infinite Love! My God, how I love You!”
Sunday 2 May 1954
– Mimi: “Good morning my Beloved. I offer You my day.”
− Mary: “My dear little one, you will have a lot to suffer during this month, for I need souls. They are purchased by sacrifices, prayer and “Hail Marys.”
– Mimi: “My Gentle Mother of heaven, at Your feet, Your child is asking You to help her. Give me the strength I lack. Yes, I accept with love and submission whatever you want to send me.
After so many signs of love, I cannot refuse my Beloved Spouse. Like You, my Gentle Mother of heaven, I want to remain very little, very humble in the arms of my Beloved and I also want to remain very submissive to the Holy Will of God. I so need to be forgiven. I don’t have a minute to lose. The little time I have left to live, I want to use it to love You, my Beloved and serve God.
My Gentle Mother of heaven, teach me to know, to love Your Gentle Jesus. Teach me to pray, to always be submissive to the Holy Will of God. Like You, I want to give, each day, my Fiat.
Monday 3 May 1954
– Mimi: A dream troubled me for I was offending God. How sad I was! I was house cleaning and was wiping the floor.
– Jesus: “My dear little one, kiss the floor and during this time, recite the act of contrition in atonement for your sins.”
– Mimi: I didn’t know what to do, fearing that it was coming from my enemy.
– Jesus: “My poor little one, is your enemy in the habit of suggesting that you kneel, humiliate yourself before Me, repent for your sins? Go see your director so that he may pacify your soul that is still troubled. Trust him.”
– Mimi: “My Beloved, watch over me during my sleep and protect me from sin, even while dreaming. I so want to remain pure and resemble Mary.”
Saturday 8 May 1954
– Mimi: I was ironing. During this time, I heard a voice tell me:
– Jesus: “Do the following: kiss the floor and prostrate yourself in a spirit of humility, in atonement for your sins.”
– Mimi: I don’t have the time, and I don’t believe in this. I am filled with doubts. I suffer from this situation for I do not know where the truth lies. Then, the great temptations arrive: a distaste for prayer, and my enemy takes advantage of it to discourage me.
− Satan: “You are right in acting this way. First of all, as long as you are feeling this way (spiritual aridity), you have no merit so why tire yourself in prayer, in making the way of the cross, why receive communion? You are taking advantage of the sacrament of penance, you desecrate the host by receiving it and you know it. If you only knew the chastisement awaiting you! So, open your eyes, while there is still time. Are you not suffering with Him? Remember your past. You were certainly happier with me. I never reproach you anything, I respect what everyone wants, I do not impose myself. Now don’t go telling your director what I have just said. After all, it isn’t a crime to chat together.”
– Mimi: “My Beloved, give me the courage to go see my director. He understands me and will help me in my struggle.”
My director scolded me on my conduct. (I deserved it).
This is what he said: “The Good Lord is sad and so am I to see your attitude. He loves you very much, He sends you trials, temptations. This is how He treats His friends and you, you lack confidence. Why are you discouraged? He who has done so much for you! Think about the consolations on Easter, Good Friday. He hasn’t changed. He is always the same. But you are the one who has changed. Yes, Our Lord is sad and so am I. Why prefer listening to the devil who suggests to you all kind of lies instead of believing in Our Lord, in me who represents Him. Why not believe in us? You are going to promise me to recite your rosary near the statue of the Blessed Virgin in spite of the state you are in, in spite of all the temptations. As for myself, I will say the rosary for you. Together, let us go and pray.”
How moved I was when he told me: “You have no right to commit certain sins for you have made vows and moreover, you are the bride of Christ.”
How I was suffering! I could almost hear the same reproaches from my Beloved. I wanted to cry out my sorrow, my repentance, my shame for so much ingratitude towards my God, towards my Beloved, towards my Gentle Mother of heaven, towards the Holy Spirit, towards my director who has done so much for me.
My director asked me to say the following prayer:
“My God, it’s I again before You with all my distress, my miseries. I ask Your sincere forgiveness for my lack of trust, You who are infinitely good. I ask Your forgiveness for having listened to the voice of the devil rather than listen to Your voice.
You who are the Truth, but see my great weakness, have pity on me, My God. From now on, I want to love You and never refuse You anything. However, I can do nothing without You. I ask Your help.”
I had finished my rosary and wanted to leave.
– Jesus: “No, My dear little one, stay some more near Me. Pray some more! Your director is suffering a lot. He is offering more than his rosary for you. He wants so much to remove you from the hands of your enemy. He is doing all he can to save your soul. Be obedient and very grateful to him. Pray for him. He deserves it. His confident prayer to Us on your behalf will be answered.”
Sunday 9 May 1954
– Mimi: “My Beloved, I am tired of this situation. How I would like to rest a little so that I might put my soul in order.”
– Jesus: “My poor little one, you are doing like My Apostles. When I was in agony, they were resting. Poor human nature.”
Wednesday 12 May 1954
– Mimi: “Good morning, my Beloved! With You, I want to work for souls. I offer myself with You to God the Father at the outset of this day. I want to be sure of Your help, for without You I can do nothing. I expect everything from You.”
After my morning prayer, spiritual communion, meditation on confidence. I was trying to think about all that God had done for me during my whole life, especially in the last four years.
– Mimi: “Out of gratitude, I offer You all my actions of love, perfect contrition, acts of humility. I do not want to refuse You anything, You who have given me everything out of love.”
In the afternoon. His call is becoming more pressing. I cannot resist.
– Mimi: “My Beloved Spouse, I am Yours. I beg You, Your embrace is too much for my poor human heart. How powerful and strong is Your love! How small I feel in Your divine arms.”
Kneeling before the statue of the Sacred Heart, I kiss His feet and tell Him:
– Mimi: “It is with respect that I approach You. I beg You, let me lament my sins like Mary Magdalene. I wish to have true contrition for my sins.
Like Saint John, let me rest my head on Your shoulder so that I may hear the heartbeats of Your Divine Heart full of love for me, so little, so ungrateful at times! I sincerely ask Your forgiveness. I love You too much to displease You. Teach me to remain confident in moments of trials, spiritual aridity, temptations, darkness.
And when You will seem to be asleep or far from me, I beg You, increase my trust, grant me the grace never to doubt of Your presence in me. Give me each day Holy Perseverance. Grant me also the favor of not allowing myself to be distracted by the suggestions of the devil who is jealous for he knows that I hate him, that I do not want to sin and that with my director, I am working hard to correct my faults.
The devil knows very well that since I became Your spouse, I wish to remain faithful. I wish to refuse You nothing, for with You I want to attain my ideal to give thanks to God and to show Him my gratitude for all that He has done for me.
Yes, I want to repair, atone. I want to accomplish the Holy Will of God. I want to accomplish well my team work in saving souls with You and my director who is working ceaselessly. How many times I let You work alone because I was too weak to follow You and in spite of all this, my Beloved, You continue to ask me to work for You. You wait for me patiently, lovingly. You lavish me with favors. My Beloved Spouse, I want to remain faithful to You. Keep me near You! I am so weak.”
– Mimi: “In the church, I was looking at the decorations of the altar of the Blessed Virgin. I especially admired the red and white tulips. I was telling myself how I would like to be able to offer You beautiful flowers. I would like to do so every day.
If you like, my Gentle Mother of heaven, I will offer You the recitation of my rosary as a bouquet of flowers and each “Hail Mary” will represent a red tulip, a symbol of my heart and the “Glory be” will represent the white tulips, a symbol of purity. Would You please share this bouquet and offer it to God as a symbol of my love. This offering, coming directly from Your hands will be agreeable to Him.
My Beloved, what do You want from me? You want more! May Your Holy Will be done. I am suffering a lot. I can hardly breathe. My heart hurts so badly. This heart is Yours. Keep it forever! Thank You for allowing me to feel Your gentle presence during this suffering. This helps me carry my cross with love and resignation. It is quite true that We are more than one, now that I have become Your spouse.
Why do you wish me to tell everything to my director? That I open wide the secret door of my soul? I was so used to keep secret a small corner at the bottom of my soul to receive You, to receive Your secrets, Your love, Your requests, at times Your sorrows and, yes, I would take refuge there in moments of discouragement and look for comfort, strength and love. This little corner of my soul! How it was a witness to Our intimate moments, of Our perfect union in pure love and suffering! How many times it was a witness to the sharing of Our avowals.
No human being could know what was going on between Us, not even my director. Like my Gentle Mother of heaven, I jealously kept like a treasure this little corner of my soul.”
– Jesus: “My dear little spouse, one day, I told you that I would ask you for more, that I would ask you for everything. The moment has come to open wide the secret door of your soul to your director, that he may penetrate it with the assurance of being at home. Allow him to work freely at the bottom of your heart and not on the surface. May he transform your little interior dwelling in order to embellish it and render it agreeable to God. Submit to him with humility. Trust him for he deserves it and he represents Me. My dear little one, think about it! Would you shut the door of your soul if I came with him to take possession of this secret little corner? Evidently not. So, not only is he with Me but I am in him. He represents Me. I give him complete power over your soul to direct it. Let him work freely. He is working for Me. As a priest, he has his membership card to work in souls, especially hardened sinners. You are one of them.
Don’t forget that everything has to be redone in you, many things must be corrected, uprooted, taught, cultivated and he alone can help you. I chose him for you. Thank Me often for this favor. If you have become My spouse, it is to him that you owe this great happiness. Out of gratitude, be obedient in all things.”
20 May 1954
– Mimi: “How dark it is in my interior dwelling! There is, however, a small ray of sun that comes to visit me at times. This little ray of sun is so good to me… do you know him?
The priest has the key of heavenly treasures. It is he who opens the door. He is the bursar of God, the administrator of His graces. I would rather say it this way: Father Gamache has the key of the hidden treasures of my soul. It is he who will open it wide. He is the bursar of God, the administrator of my soul. I count on him to open the gates of heaven. I am confident.
– Mimi: “It is for the director to penetrate into the little secret heart of my soul, like it is for the Holy Spirit to penetrate into the cenacle on the Sunday of Pentecost. I am certain that he is really the element of unity between You and me…”
